january.

It's Friday, January 20. It's going to snow today. A few things on my mind this morning:

+ The Head & The Heart. You can listen to Sounds like Hallelujah (and 3 others) here. Facebook tells me daily that they are on tour and criss-crossing across great cities in the USA. I want to go to St. Louis. And Tennessee. And Oklahoma. And Idaho. Torontonians, go see them at the Opera House. The Opera House! I haven't been there since high school.

+ I may not leave the house today. That would make 3 days this week of complete hibernation. I have a book to finish. A blanket to finish. And a new project to start.

+ The daily changes in my body blow my mind. Every day I feel a little bit different. And the pain level increases gradually, I hope this is 'easing' me into what's to come? I hope. Because it feels like I had the most intense pilates workout of my life and I haven't done anything yet. My legs, my hips, my back, my knees, my feet! ouch. I'm not going to get worked up about it though. I'm not going to loose my shit. Not yet, anyway.

+ lentil burgers, roasted potatoes, apple salad, Arnold Palmers and chocolate tofu pie from the Wooden Monkey. We're having a dinner out this weekend!

+ A shoulder continually pokes out of my left side.I love it and it makes me smile every time it happens. She's been in the same position now for weeks and I've gotten to know the parts of her body. Her shoulder, her bum, her heels. Sometimes it's so intense it feels like she is doing a handstand and using the top of my uterus for leverage.

+ I hope it's going to be a beautiful weekend.

+ I will miss rubbing my belly. I will miss it a lot.

+ the best advice I've read for new mamas: 'all that really matters, the most important thing of all, is to hold them and take care of yourself'. Yes! I'm the type of person that needs reminders to slow things down, be in the moment and not get overwhelmed by 'doing' or by 'stuff'. And when I do remember to live this way, I'm a better person. I feel better, I am better and I'm much better to be around.  So bringing it back to this, I will strive to make this my mantra. I've said that my 'plan' for the first 3 months is to not have a plan. To simply hold her, and get to know her, and figure out who she is. We're going to take it day by day. I'm going to figure out how to be a mama and she is going to figure out what a routine is, which simply involves eating & sleeping (veteran mamas, please don't laugh!). And I'm going to take care of myself and nourish myself, otherwise there won't be much left over to give to her. Or to M. And we're a family, us three. And aren't I fortunate to be in a position to do just that. Yes, I'm sure I am.

Happy Friday.