healthy.

Dear Sofie,

Today you celebrate your one month anniversary! You've been ours for one whole month. You are teaching us so much. We are slowly starting to get it right, hopefully.

You are a wonderful baby. You are so alert and over the last few days we are amazed that you seem to respond to what's around you. You focus your gaze for longer, you smile and laugh. You make funny faces. You make all kinds of noises. You love to stare at things.  But Sofie, you still cry so often. It breaks my heart. Yesterday you cried for 12 hours. There was nothing I could do to calm you. We walked, we rocked, we bounced. I could only get you to sleep for a half hour at a time and you would wake up screaming. You may have slept 3 hours over the course of the day. By the time last night rolled around we were both exhausted. I cried and cried that we were having another day like this. You screamed like someone was torturing you. I wasn't expecting days like that. Not at all.

But today, thankfully, we had your second doctors appointment. You are a healthy healthy girl he tells us. He called you a *star*. You are doing wonderfully well. Do you know what a relief that was for me to hear? You will some day. Because you've only been my daughter for a month but I worry constantly about everything I'm doing for you. Yesterday I started to question breastfeeding again, convinced that you weren't getting enough milk and that you were actually starving. Despite the fact that you are very obviously gaining weight. Because as of right now, you weigh 12 pounds! 12! You've almost doubled your weight since birth. Apparently you are getting all that you need and more from my milk. Because you are growing so well and so damn fast, you are not passing regular growth spurt milestones... he said you've had one long growthspurt, which may be why you have some terrible days. You're uncomfortable and fussy and all around pissed off. And your tummy hurts. Your little body is telling you to eat and eat. But your tummy isn't necessarily there yet.

So we're figuring this out little girl. Be patient with us. Because we love you so much.

Love,

Mama.