unexpected

Dear Sofie

We are 3 sleeps away from your first Christmas. Your mama is feeling a wee bit emotional these past few weeks. There is so much to be grateful for and so much happiness. You are a true joy and your dad and I still find ourselves in disbelief sometimes that you are ours. It's difficult to comprehend that you will be one year old in a few short months. I wished for a daughter that was strong willed, independant, fearless and curious. And I have to say, that I'm quite certain I got what I wished for. On Wednesday, you decided that you were finished with breastfeeding. Right now you have no idea how hard it is for me to say those words and accept that this part of our relationship is over. Maybe someday you will. This is something that both of us are supposed to be gradually introduced to -weaning- not stopping cold turkey. Its hard. And excrutiatingly painful.
A wonderful doula reminded me of important advice yesterday that I seem to forget easily. She told me to follow your lead. Let go, and follow your lead. Whenever I remind myself to do that, it always gets easier. For the last 2 nights you've slept better than you have in months. You've napped too. I was so hoping this was a nursing strike. But I'm seeing that you've grown and changed a little bit. And you're telling me that you're finished. So, my dear sweet girl, thank you for sharing these beautiful 10 and a half months with me as we figured this out together. Breastfeeding has been one of the most amazing and beautiful things I have ever done. I had assumed that I would continue to nurse you well into toddlerhood because we were just so successful with this whole thing. I see you have other plans and I can respect that.

I love you. Merry Christmas Sofie.

Love Mama