You turned 3 months old a few days ago. 3 months! I remember the first few weeks with you thinking, I just need to make it to 3 months. Once we get to 3 months things will make sense. And now we are here and you are going through another growth spurt and I'm realizing it's not different at all from those first few weeks. You still cry the same way, I'm just better at figuring out what you need. And in between your crying periods, you smile. Today we sat for 45 minutes and I talked non-sense to you, just to keep you from a)fussing, b)screaming, c)nursing. It worked. You looked up at me and smiled and I talked and talked about nothing in particular. Sometimes in a French accent. Today you wanted to be fed every half hour. It was hard and it was a lot. It started last night at 2.30am and I just put you down to bed at 8.30pm. I'm hoping and hoping that you stay asleep for a good solid few hours. I'm so tired and my boobs are so sore.
We went to our breastfeeding support group today and you smiled at your other baby friends. There was an 8 day old baby there. That was how old you were when we went to our first group. As soon as I walked through the door on that day 3 months ago I burst into tears because I was having such a hard time feeding you and I just needed someone to help and make it easier. I love going to this group and talking to these women. I'm so thankful that it's close and you and I can easily walk there. Today it stopped pouring rain just long enough for us to get there and back. And as I was putting you to sleep this evening I realized how seemingly bizarre and also completely normal one of the conversations today was. We were talking about nursing around the clock and the wear and tear that it has on your body. I couldn't tell you how much water I've drank in the last day, how ravenously hungry I am all the time (even when I just finish dinner, all I can think about is, what's next?) and how worn out my body feels. Someone mentioned using coconut oil on your nipples to soothe them and the conversation quickly turned to the many uses of coconut oil including hand moisturizer and oil for cooking. And as I was rocking you tonight I thought how coocoo that would sound to some people. I envisioned your dad reaching for the tub of coconut oil now on our counter by the stove and stopping to think, wait, what has Jill used this for today? Seems totally normal to me but I'm sure not so to many. Maybe on par with having a placenta in your freezer? While mine was never in our freezer, I did get to see it after your birth. The nurse held it up for us to see and explained how it functioned and it was truly amazing to see. I wonder what you'll think when you're older?
I love you little girl. I love you so much. Especially on days when you make me work so hard for a smile or a giggle.
Love Mama.
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