time.

Zooey Deschanel writes a great post about getting ready for winter. I'm particularly fond of #5.  What's new with everyone? I am actively awaiting the following:

+ 3 days left of work!! yippeee!

+ Christmas is next weekend! Can you believe it? Every year it's the same, how did it happen so quickly? Hope everyone has managed to find time to slow down and take it all in this season

+ a New Years date. Taj Mahal & a movie. Yes please!

+ baby in 7 weeks! I'm beginning to wonder if she will be early, on time, or late. I have no idea. But I think about it all the time. What do you think? I came across this lullaby and can't wait for her to get here though, we're ready to meet her.

growing.

you & me at 32 weeks

overheard.

Last night I was walking home from work at 5.30pm thinking everything looked just lovely. It was a mild night, Christmas lights were on in windows and it was a nice night to be walking home in Halifax. A man and his son came out from the school around the corner and started to walk in front of me. The little boy was about 6-ish, had a massive backpack on and dad had just picked him up from after school care, after what, I'm assuming, was a long day at work. As they walked hand in hand, the little boy walked a step and a half to keep up with his dad and talked non-stop. He had had such a good day it seemed, and couldn't wait to tell his dad about it. We all stopped at a red light and I managed to over hear him remark, "I wonder... how come, nobody knows how many types of aliens there actually are?"

I felt so fortunate to hear it, to over hear and get a glimpse of what was going on in this little guys head as he walked home from school in the dark with his dad. His dad appeared oblivious to the magic that was happening right beside him, unfortunately. I thought about it last night and reminded myself that when it's time to walk home from school with our daughter, it's time to give to her. To listen, to acknowledge, to connect, to soak her all in. That's all kids want. It starts there. And - they're funny as hell.

expectations VIII.

Dear Bebe,

Last night it was Sarah Slean. She holds a special place for the two of us, we have seen her every time she comes to Halifax and her shows are always magic. One of the first conversations I had with your dad, before we were together, before we were your mom and dad, when we were just friends (another lifetime ago, it seems) was about our love for Sarah Slean.

You moved around so much, I hope you liked it. She's coming back in April and playing with Symphony Nova Scotia. Guess who got 2 first row tickets? That may be the first time we leave you with a babysitter. But we won't talk about that quite yet. Or maybe you'll come with us.

birth.

extraordinary! Conception to Birth on TED talks.

AND, we have a doula! I met with her today and feel pretty pumped about what's to come. AND, we bought these today, I mean come on, seriously. Right?

Thirsties cloth diapers from Fiddleheads, the best kids store in the city. 

Toys R Us, however, was an epic fail, no stroller for us today. What a god awful place. But other than that, a pretty great day.

expectations VII.

Dear Bebe,

I think about you all the time. Part of me still doesn't actually believe that you will come out and be ours forever. You'd think with all of this thinking that I'd get it. I still find you a mystery little baby.

Walking home from work today I started to make a list in my mind, my favourite things and not favourite things about being pregnant with you. Top 5's, if you will. Here they are:

Top 5 Faves:

+ Feeling you move inside me. It's not what I imagined it to feel like at all! It's not gentle or soft or sweet. It's intense and sporadic and surprising and amazing. I want to be hooked up to an ultrasound machine like some Tom Cruise slave so I can watch you move all around all day

+ strangers smile at me all the time

+ I walk really really slow now. It's become a common occurrence for senior citizens to pass me on the sidewalk. Today, a guy on crutches passed me. That was a new one. I laughed out loud

+ excited anticipation of whats to come

+ having this magical, special time with your papa. just the two of us experiencing this together

Top 5 Least Faves:

+ my hair looks terrible. every day, all the time. terrible.

+ I forget everything

+ with all of the walking, my feet hurt constantly. I really don't like this

+ unsolicited 'advice'

I only have 4 least faves. That's probably a good thing.

We went to a baby shower in Sydney on the weekend, just for you. We were surrounded by love, laughter and great food. Your family is pretty spectacular. We are both very lucky ladies.

Love, Mama.

heights.

I Believe I can Fly ( flight of the frenchies). Trailer from sebastien montaz-rosset on Vimeo.

Wow. This is spectacular. The footage is absolutely incredible. Driving home today from Cape Breton I was thinking about motherhood and expressing to M. about what a giant P I am about almost everything in life (the dark, rodents, heights, strangers outside my windows, rollercoasters, the list goes on). Watching a video like this is pretty inspiring and reminds me not to take anything too seriously. These guys are bananas. And just about anything is possible.

a boy named sue.

One of my favourite Shel Silverstein poems:

Where the Sidewalk Ends
There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

expectations VI

Dear Baby,

Right now, I am:

feeling:: you moving all around me, all the time

seeing:: fall changing to winter

knowing:: you're coming this winter

eating:: everything

pleasantly surprised:: with how easily and effortlessly your room came together. i love it in there.

wondering:: what you will look like, sound like, think, be like

grateful:: for health, family, love and joy. everyday.

knitting:: a blanket for you. it's taking me a really long time. there are plenty of mistakes but i quite like it so far.

sewing:: a cape for your cousin. i can't wait for you to meet him.

listening:: to Christmas music. already. i feel it's necessary this year.

planning:: family Halloween costumes for next year.

This is me at 28 weeks, officially entering my third trimester with you. I'm stunned.

Love, Mama.

what do babies think?

I haven't read her book, but have been meaning to. So stoked to see her give a TED talk!

I've been spending more time in the Infant room at work, watching these little ones knowing that we'll have one in a few short months. Shocking! But watching an 8th month old and a 12th month old interact, play, and respond to each other without words is pretty inspiring. Group care for babies doesn't have to be a scary thing (if done right). It can be pretty awesome.

"maybe we should be getting the adults to think more like children" *gold*

oh happy day.

red clogs I found you!! thank you Berlin! Will be visiting here momentarily....

fantastic!

dang! Can you believe these Halloween costumes! Fantastic!

read about them here.

it has to get better.

Are schools listening? I hope so. I find it terrifying enough to listen to the experiences and words of people who have lived through this sort of violent bullying, but what resonated with me today, is that these experiences are so intertwined with daily life at school. Elementary school, Junior High, High school. Somewhere that you have zero choice or input into if you attend or not, you just have to keep going back every day year after year. How can we not be doing everything we can to make schools a better place for children every single day. How can we not? They're schools for gods sake. Places for children.

I know what my experience in high school was like, and you hope that as time marches on people's tolerance and perspectives change, especially towards diversity and inclusion. But I guess my question is, is it? Or am I just assuming that invariably it will because how could it not? If kids are still killing themselves becasue of how they are made to feel about who they are, then I don't know how well we are all doing.

When our daughter starts school, what will her experience be? Will this even be a topic? Or will I be having this conversation with her, about why some people can't accept others? I hope to God I wont' be.

expectations V.

Dear Baby,

It's October. My favourite month of the year. It's a sunny, beautiful Sunday and you're dad and I are having a really great weekend. Last night you got to hear some more amazing live music. We saw these guys play at St. Matthew's church, one of our favourite places to hear live music in the city. It is always beautiful, magical and mesmerizing, last night being no different. I'm glad you were there with us. I felt you kick and move like crazy, it was loud. I hope you were just excited and not scared.  I clapped loudly, I danced, I whooped and hollered. The show was alive and oh so great. I'm so glad you were there with us. I can't wait until the day that you 'discover' music and it does all the things to your life that music is supposed to do. I can't wait. Even if you like Maroon 5 and a little Justin Bieber, that's okay. We won't be angry. It's all about balance and discovery.

The Rural Alberta Advantage "North Star"

Someday, I hope you can read these and somehow still watch these videos to see and hear what I was talking about. I imagine youtube will be long gone, but some other very cool interweb application will have taken it's place and you'll have to explain to us how it works.

thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving! Our weekend was beyond great, how was yours?

expectations IV

Dear Baby,

Your momma is very obviously pregnant now! I think your dad will take pictures this weekend, specifically in my most favourite jean jacket because I've reached the point where the bottom buttons won't do up. Friends and strangers seem to get quite a kick out of this.

There are a few things we know about you now: We know you're a girl! We've seen you 3 times now in ultrasounds and each time it's memorizing. We love to watch you. You move around a lot and yesterday I felt you kick so strongly that I had to stop what I was doing and sit at my desk and cry because it was so amazing. The doctors tell us you are healthy and strong, growing well with a great little heartbeat.

One day this week when I was walking home from work I thought about what it would be like to be your momma. I caught a glimpse of myself in a window and felt very proud to be carrying around a baby girl in my belly. I was overwhelmed with the feeling and can't wait to know you. I will have a daughter. That feels pretty cool, little one.

It's Thanksgiving, my most favourite time of year. This year I have oh so much to be thankful for. It feels overwhelming.

Love, Momma.

harvest.

Wow, it's been a little while since I've posted. And it's my favourite time of year! I think between being pregnant, working and wanting to eat and/or nap all the time, I've been a tad bit distracted. So let's start going again.

What's everyone doing for the weekend? Thanksgiving is my most favourite time of year and I'm doubly looking forward to it this year for a few reasons:

+ my brother and I now live in the same Province. Can you imagine? It's been 10 years since that has happened. So this year we get TWO Thanksgiving, one in Judique with him and one in Sydney with my other family!

+ I'm trying new recipes this year. Found inspiration in this dish (minus the purple cauliflower, haven't seen any of that for sale) as well as a wild rice, butternut squash, pumpkin seed salad. Yum! Throw in some brussel sprouts smothered in cheese and carmelized onions, my mom's cheesy 'Elsie's Potatoes' and my stuffing with cranberries, apple & walnuts? Oh my...

+ And, just for fun, I tried making pumpkin pie from scratch this year! Last year my friend Alexis (and speaking of she has some awesome Thanksgiving recipes over on her blog, check them out!) taught me her awesome pie making skills and this year I put them to use. If they turn out, they will seriously be the quickest and easiest things I've ever baked. I will post pictures.

So enjoy your weekend friends! Eat well and enjoy loved ones. Happy Thanksgiving!

missouri.

The Pruitt-Igoe Myth: an Urban History – Film Trailer from the Pruitt-Igoe Myth on Vimeo.

This documentary screened tonight at the Atlantic Film Festival, and what a fascinating look at public housing, social policy, race relations and urbanism in the States in the 50s-70s. I highly highly recommend it.

While there, I felt the baby kick, really kick, for the FIRST time! I've felt tons of small movement and flutters, but this was the first significant kick. It took my breath away. So wild! I hope it's an indication that she will be a fierce little radical, who is strongly committed to social justice. No pressure though.

prescription for play.

And keeping with this theme, a friend alerted me to this amazing workshop: A creativity retreat. Doesn't it look fantastic??

what happens next.

We're going to have a little girl. In 4 months there will be a little girl here with us. Forever.


Can you believe that?? We've been walking around with stunned smiles on our faces since Saturday morning, occasionally mumbling things to each other about 'girls' and generally bumping into things because we are in this sleepy, dreamy, amazing, altered state of wrapping our minds around this information. It is fantastic.

The ultrasound was so amazing. More on that in a minute...

I woke up at 3am on Saturday and laid awake in bed until 5.30am, panicing, worrying and giving myself a headache. My mind was racing, are we doing the right thing? will we regret knowing? what if we can't see it? what if it's a huge waste of money? etc. etc. etc. Panic! And, not to completely shift blame here, but I realized this is one of the reasons that I hate sharing information with people... just general people who feel the need to ask personal questions, yet have absolutely nothing to do with my personal life. All last week, random people felt the need to ask if we were finding out the 'gender' (fyi.. it's the sex. not gender. gender is socially constructed and happens outside of the womb. sex is penis or vagina). And I'm fine having conversations with people, but I can't handle the judgement that creeps across their face when I answer and inevitably offend them in some way by our decision. Our decision. Which has nothing to do with anyone else. And all of this junk was creeping into my head early Saturday and making me feel like I was loosing my mind. Once I finally fell back asleep and got a few more hours of sleep, I woke up and realized, eff that. Let's go.

And it was amazing. Completely wonderful. She's very small, we saw her hands, fingers, feet and toes. I'm concerned that she has the Farris head, which is quite large. Yikes. I'm quite sure she has my nose and Matthew's lips. Little chicken legs. She was moving around a lot, and my feeling was that we were disturbing her and she just wanted to get comfortable again. It was amazing to see inside, to see all the stuff around her and how squished it is in there. In case you are curious, a placenta looks like a huge flat pancake. It looked like she was using it as a pillow and her cheek resting against it. She opened her mouth, rubbed her eyes, put her fingers in her mouth. Holy crap, right?!

And to know that we are going to be parents to a little girl feels really magical and special right now. I bought my mom this book for Christmas last year and I'm so excited it will now be put to very good use.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1590307178

My mom makes the most beautiful things you've ever seen and the patterns and clothes in here are oh so dreamy.

Looking forward to welcoming you to the world little girl. You are going to be very much loved.

expectations IIII

Dear Baby,

Walking home from work today I had a thought that is blowing my mind. I realized, today is the last day of my life where it is just me. After tomorrow, I will always know, forever, if I am the mother of a son or a daughter. Today I just know that you are inside of me, moving around and growing but I don't know if you're a boy or a girl. I think you're a girl though. I think.

I really like today and I'm pretty positive I will love tomorrow.


Love Mama.

say something nice.

via A Cup of Jo

what's new?

knit.

new books! i love amazon.

blues. i'm afraid 5 pounds isn't enough?

new apartment!

me!

(19 weeks)

options.

reason #578 why I love my husband:

Me: I don't know if we could have a home, water birth in our rental apartment? Doesn't that seem weird, in an apartment?

M: (while reading) Doesn't say we can't in our lease.

FYI, midwifery in Nova Scotia is a disaster. Currently, there is one midwife associated with the womens hospital in Halifax. ONE! (article from 4 days ago here). Isn't that shocking? I was shocked. I assumed in smaller, more rural communities that it would be thriving, given the shortage of doctors and specialists that the Maritimes experience. Man, super depressing.

A friend recommended that I watch "The Business of Being Born", a fabulous documentary about modern midwifery in the States. I took a break from packing yesterday (did I mentioned we're moving in 2 weeks... hmmmm) to watch. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would recommend it, despite the American context. And now, just beginning to look into my options, I'm quickly realizing that they are very limited, especially given that I am a relatively healthy, low risk pregnant woman. This needs needs further investigation.

wanderlust.

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

A few more right here. Enjoy.

modern childhood

My mind is exploding... or racing, I'm not sure which. And I'm not sure if it has something to do with this pregnancy, which I'm assuming, mostly, yes. But lately I have a hard time putting sentences together, expressing myself, thinking of words, communicating in general. Isn't that crazy?

I wanted to share some of the things that are blowing my mind right now, getting me excited, inspiring me... all that good stuff, because the more I read I realize that things are getting better. They are. It's so easy to get down and depressed right now, at this point, right now in time. I watch the news at night and think, oh man, this is the world I am bringing a baby into? THIS?? it's bleak. But I'm hopeful for the change that almost invariably follows the chaos, the shift, the collective realization, all of that good stuff that comes after we realize how big we've screwed up, how much damage we've done and how we will all continue to be screwed if we don't DO something.

I read every work of this article and soaked it all up. My focus in grad school was on child friendly cities and a space for children in the city. So to read an article published like this, the meatiness of it is really exciting. And makes me think about my childhood growing up in the suburbs. And what our child's experience will be growing up. It's going to have a childhood to look back on! And we're kinda solely responsible for that! yowza!

Which leads me to this. Connected? I think so.

I think we can all do better. Together. Because right now? Right now a 4 year old just showed me her egg salad sandwich that she made into a unicorn. She took a few bites here, a few bites there, and the next thing you know? A unicorn sandwich is standing in front of her. If we could allow that to always happen, encourage that, foster it, recognize it? What an interesting place we would all live in. A unicorn sandwich.

perspective.

There is a fine line between crazy and beauty. Depending on your perspective, of course.

Listener "Wooden Heart" from Nathan Corrona on Vimeo.

brilliant.

expectations III

Dear Baby,

Here's what I know about you so far: I've heard your heart beat (nice and strong says the doctor), we've seen you in the ultrasound (very tiny, 2 arms, 2 legs, big head), and you're getting bigger and bigger, this week the size of an orange. I'm know longer sick (thank you for your cooperation) but kinda spacey and forgetful, which is weird. Grocery shopping is a huge challenge, as well as getting anything done, in general.

So far, you've been to 3 concerts and a Pow Wow. You've heard tribal drumming, a Celtic band, Stephen Page (sorry, no one enjoyed that one unfortunately) Arcade Fire, Hey Rosetta and Broken Social Scene. I think we're doing alright. I'm hoping to take you to a few more, including Dan Managan and Hawksley Workman, who I know you will fall in love with in the same manner that your momma has.

I'm encouraged that at all of these shows, most notably the outdoor ones,where we've seen lots of parents with little ones, babies and toddlers. They all have these special ear plugs or cute ear muffs on, to protect small ear drums, which we will definitely be looking into for you once you come into this world. What's better than the 3 of us going to see live music? Not much, I think.

Looking forward to feeling you kick or move one of these days.

Love Mom.

one.

Today is our one year anniversary. Last year we stood by the ocean, in front of our families and friends and committed to love and support each other forever. The day was a blur, I couldn't remember our vows if you paid me to, but I know we had fun. And apparently people ate well, I also missed that part. What I do remember the most, is the love part. Loving everyone that was there in that room (tent) and feeling all of that love coming right back. Looking at Matthew and knowing how much I loved him, and how special this wedding was, and that everyone there was there for us. That's pretty spectacular.

I was going to write a post about the last year, and the things I've learned and the things that we want to do. But I really only have a few things to say::

+ just because you're married doesn't mean you have to share the same kind of toothpaste. You can just buy 2 different kinds. Easy.

+ this has been a wonderful year. Matthew woke me up this morning by saying happy one of marriage, and happy 6 month till baby. woah.

+ wearing a wedding ring is a physical reminder that there's another person on you're team. No matter what.

+ we still need to take a honeymoon! and since (really) the only things to do on our 'to do' list are travel, it needs to happen. this baby better not mess that up. just joking. kind of. New York, it's time.

food for thought.

I was kinda under the impression that Monsanto was going down, or at least on the radar, after all of the publicity from "The Corporation" waaaaay back in 2003. But I just came across this interesting looking video clip and perhaps the public continues to be uninformed about the food they are being sold (and not necessarily through fault of their own ... I feel a conspiracy, yes, a conspiracy). I'm shocked to see that in 2011 people don't know what genetically modified food (GMO's) are. Yikes.



But back to my video clip. After the earthquakes in Haiti, America sent help. One of these ways was by sending starving, rural farmers, 475 tons of hybrid genetically modified seeds from the Monsanto Corporation. Do you know what the farmers did? They burned the seeds in protest, refusing to grow and feed food to their people that was genetically modified. What do they know that (apparently) we don't?
The footage from this video looks gorgeous... take a look:

GMO Film Project Sizzler from Compeller Pictures on Vimeo.

So interesting to think about access to information; ignorance; capitalism; poverty; greed; obesity; disaster ...... Our priorities have gotten so far off track. I hope we are getting closer to something more familiar soon. I hope.

Read more here.

lovely.

God, this makes me feel good today. If you like this, you can read about it here. I think it's such a great project (soon, I may get brave enough to watch the Giving birth on 10/10/10 segment. Not yet though)

expectations II

Dear Baby,

Here's what's on my mind about you these days::

+ I still can't believe that you're inside of me. We go for an ultrasound tomorrow. The thought of seeing you blows my mind

+ I want you to grow up surrounded by music. always.

+ I want you to be your own person. I will try my best to allow that to happen and try to figure out when I should interfere and when I shouldn't.

+ I have suspicions that you're a girl.

+ Your dad and I love eachother very much. I hope you'll always know that.

+ We're going to dance together. A lot.

+ You're still making me sick. Let's make a plan to stop that soon... I need to work and I don't want to put pills in my body and yours. See what you can do.

Love,

Mom.

work by Emily King. Seen here.

expectations

I've been thinking about this post for a while. One of the things I like about blogging is being able to 'talk' to my friends that live away. Over my 33 years I've moved approximately 15 times, making friends all along the way and, remarkably, even before the days of the interweb, staying in touch with a lot of them.
So when it comes time to share news, big news, I always struggle with how exactly to share it. For me, my blog seems like the best fit, outside of emails of course. So, here we go ... we have some news to share ::


M and I are going to be parents!


WHAT?! I know. It's definitely something we've wanted and talked about, yet I still feel completely surprised and freaked out. Which makes me wonder about those poor souls who are 'surprised'. Yowza.

I'm 10 weeks, due the end of January and figuring things out day by day. People have told me to keep a journal and start recording things to look back on. I'm not really a sentimentalist, but I did looked at a pregnancy journal today at Hallmark and promptly gagged. I thought I'd write letters along the way instead. This is it so far:

I'm excited to be a mom. I'm excited for M to be a dad. I'm excited that my brother will be an uncle, that my parents will be grandparents and that this baby will be surrounded by two families that will love it so much. What more could you ask for, right?

xo Jill.

national treasure

It is my belief that Gord Downie is, most definitely, a national treasure. Please enjoy this wonderful song on this Canada Day. Wherever you are, I hope you are doing exactly what you want to be doing and enjoying every minute. Take it all in today.

Happy Birthday Canada. You're gorgeous.

they call it a pizookie.

Two posts in a row about food. I know. But I need to eat this. It's a deep dish cookie.

Amazing, right? Here's the recipe.

for the eating.

Officially, it's summer. The sun has now shone for a whole 2 days in a row, which leaves me and my summer shoes feeling optimistic.
One of my favourite things about summer is blueberries. Definitely a perk of living in Nova Scotia when those huge boxes of blueberries come round at the Farmers Market in August (5 pounders... that's a lot of berries) MMmmmm.... can't wait. In anticipation, I've found this little recipe and can't wait to try it.

find her recipe right here on 101 Cookbooks.

p.s. she mentions 'aluminum-free' baking powder in her recipe. Is this something I should be worried about? I've never heard of this problem before.... yeeesh. Have to check my supplies now. In my mind we just have the one brand, the kind in the yellow and brown plastic jar that our mom's used?

33 and a third

Right now, I am...

thinking:: 32 was good

feeling:: that 33 will be even better

hearing:: construction outside our window. again. all night tonight.

remembering:: to focus on the good everyday

eating:: a lot

sleeping:: a lot

smelling:: cocoa butter

wondering:: if I'm ready

hoping:: for exciting adventures in 2012

grateful:: for friends, good food, love, family and a paycheque

loving:: spontaneous hugs from 4 year olds. THE best.

I love this song by Joel. I love that he refers to himself as thirty-three and a third. Bring it on. I'm ready.

(p.s. Hi, I'm back! How are you?)

pause

Just taking a small break from blogging. I haven't been posting nearly as much as I'd like to be... so I'm just going to pause for a bit.

See you soon.

xo Jill.

fools

I can't remember the last time I've been pranked on April Fool's. I kinda forgot about it all together, I guess I've just never worked with people in the past that embrace April Fool's. Which is funny, since I work in child care and we're all basically a bunch of big kids. I need to think up some good ones for next year, paybacks. Today... there was gross gunk over all of the door knobs at the centre, liquid soap on the toilet seats, and hard boiled eggs left behind my office door. Resulting in an office that smelled like farts all day. Hilarious!

We also got a call from a 'concerned parent' that there were unattended children running around the first floor and that a call had been placed to both the police and Children's Aid. That was super funny. How was your day? Anything hilarious happen?

p.s. sorry for the absence. Things have just been super busy and then I got another sinus infection and then we almost bought a house ...but then we quickly decided against it. WAY too scary.

bruxelles

Can you believe these? Anything with Belgium, or Brussels especially, always catches my eye. These are from Dinner in the Sky, and it looks like they do them all over the world. I need to investigate further to see how long you are actually up there for! These shots are from the Atomium in Brussels. See more of the Brussels dinner right here. They're pretty insane. I would be terrified. 

crafts + truth

I really like to make things.  I really, really do. One of my earliest (and fondest) memories is my  mom teaching me to knit when I was 7 or 8. I always remember watching my mom make things with her hands when I was a kid. Whether it be muffins, clothes, toys, pizza dough, she always made everything. And I was always so intrigued by it. So she tried to teach me to knit. The yarn was bubble gum pink and I wish I had a picture of the end product to post here, I can still picture it perfectly in my mind.  The intention was to make a scarf. I did make a scarf, however, I could only manage to make a scarf for my doll. It was very tiny. But I made it. 

Since then, I've tried and tried and tried to make things with my own two hands but along the way I've realized a lot about myself. Most of the things that I make never actually turn out. And it's kind of a running joke in our household. Except deep deep down... it really actually bothers me. And okay... maybe there is something in the process. There is definitely something in the process. But never having an end product that is successful and that brings you joy and that you are happy with? Well that just seems kind of moronic, doesn't it? Wouldn't a normal person give up; find a new hobby; buy handmade things?

So... I've made quilts in the past and have been semi-successful with them. But over the past few months I've tried to make three of them (just realized how crazy that sounds... who tries to make THREE quilts in a matter of a few months while working full-time... and working on a business plan in their spare time, who does that? crazy people, that's who). Needless to say, NONE of the quilts have turned out. I've made the same stupid mistake consistently on ALL three. So I wondered if a lot of the time I set myself up for failure? If I choose things that I know are outside of my skill set... I know I have zero patience. I try to work on this, but damn it's hard. Anyway... blah blah blah.... I love to make things. I want to successfully make things. I need patience. My mom was right all these years. I finally get it. I get it. 

Which leads me to these::

Shoe bags! I can make these!  I think they're adorable and a really fun gift to give to someone. So I wanted to share. Have fun making shoe bags... I think we can do it! Read the tutorial right here

homage

                                                    

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Judykaufmann

"I don't believe in marriage.  No, I really don't. Let me be clear about that. I think at worst it's a hostile political act, a way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative religious nonsense. At best, it's a happy delusion - these two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they're about to make each other. But, but, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don't think it's conservative or delusional.  I think it's radical and courageous and very romantic". Freda Khalo

                                

Freda Khalo is one of my favourite artists, women, feminists, you name it, I love her. My mom painted me a beautiful picture of her that hangs in our front hallway. It's one of my most favourite things ever. The 100th anniversary of International Women's Day has had me thinking about awesome ladies all week.

new music!

I really like these guys. I like them a lot.  If we were in Brussels I would go see them play live and love every minute of it at the Ancienne Belgique in April. Oh well. For now, you can get 2 free songs if you click on the link.

: right now :

It's March.  Right now, I am ....

smelling ::  spring in the air.

feeling :: content

remembering :: that Halifax summers almost make up for Halifax winters. almost

reading :: get it ripe - a fresh take on vegan cooking and living

hearing :: johnny cash

wondering :: when did I start loving johnny cash?

seeing :: our home come together

thinking :: right now is good

eating :: lasagna

exploring :: a new yoga class

hoping :: for new adventures

grateful for :: so many hugs today. arms wide open, running at me hugs today. a lot of them. I don't know why, but am grateful to receive them.

Are you as excited about spring as I am? I hope so. I can feel it in the air. I love that change.

pizza!

It should be known right now that I love pizza. I really do. It's my favourite and I can eat a lot of it. Yum. I take my pizza very seriously and judge you if you leave your crusts behind. I don't remember when I decided to start making my own pizza dough, but it's been a loooong time. So long that it just seems like something I've always done. There is always homemade pizza in our house.

So... my friend/neighbour and I have decided to have a pizza bake-off! Basically we're both going to make amazing pizza, then eat them, then judge them. And someone will win. I'm super excited about it. And nervous. Everything she makes is amazing, so I really need to step up my pizza making skills over here. But I've been practicing. Last week I made one with artichokes, sun dried tomatoes, black olives and buffalo mozzarella. It was really good. This past weekend I made this creation and it was possibly the best one I've ever made. Possibly.

This one had fresh arugula, cherry tomatoes, parmesean cheese and more delicious buffalo mozzarella. Yuum. We polished it off no problem. So stay tuned for pizza updates and probably some pictures of me devouring pizza.

whales & turtles

I read this little link this morning, the loneliest whale in the world, and it made me really sad and then it made me really think. I have a habit of sometimes caring more about animals than I do about most humans... which is why it usually becomes troublesome for me to have pets [more on that later, I learned something new about turtles this weekend!]

But after I read this I couldn't help but think of some of the kids that I've had the pleasure of working with over the years. The kids that have trouble communicating, the kids who have trouble making friends. The kids who can't speak, or express themselves like the rest of us can. And this little whale story resonated with me so much ....  'her voice is unique'. If we could only think that way about the children that have been labelled, 'special needs', or 'different'. We've attached this negative connotation to them, to their lives, to their being.

But aren't they just unique? And isn't it possible that the behaviour, the actions that we see manifested in the classroom, and in their lives, maybe they are each child's unique attempts to be heard. Their desperate calls for friendship, for love, for acceptance, they go unanswered. Wouldn't that be confusing? Wouldn't that be so confusing every day? oh man .....

{there is a bit more here if you'd like to read, followed by some gorgeous images}

But yeah, turtles!

Last week I killed one of my plants. I hate it when I kill plants. I always feel bad. But it happened. So I went to Kent to buy a new plant. While there, I was looking at their pond in the greenhouse which is home to 3 turtles! And they were great, and I thought, turtles! Why don't I buy a turtle? I want a pet... a dog is out, cats are gross [sorry] but a turtle... I could love a turtle. Off to Pets Unlimited I go [aka the worst place on earth, man it's depressing in there] and find a lovely little 15 year old to answer my turtle questions. It turns out, it's illegal to sell turtles in Nova Scotia. Did you know this?? You can own them, but not sell them. wtf? Apparently turtles carry salmonella... and as explained to me by the 15 year old, their terrariums are cesspools of poop. Salmonella carrying poop. GROSS! No thanks turtles. Is this common knowledge?
If you want a frog though, they've got all different kinds at Pets Unlimited. Just ask for Jamie.

the eagle

This picture makes me realize a number of things about myself. A few of them I will share here:

a] my head is bigger than previously thought. it is way too big for my body. maybe that's why I have so many headaches? that is massive.

b] I have a lot of hair.

c] not only am I skinny, but also gangly. I thought I grew out of that.

d] I love doing the eagle. wanna try it? instructions here.

This picture was in the Metro today about the Power of Movement. Cool!

the power of movement

Today was the day! I've just returned from my yoga challenge,The Power of Movement, and I am energized, revitalized, positive and feeling all around fantastic. I have much to say so I thought a post was in order. I also want to remember what this feeling feels like... so that if, in two weeks I'm feeling not so upbeat due to a] work, b] winter, c] jerks at the grocery store, d] anything else life may throw our way,  I can return here and think... pull yourself together.

So. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who donated to sponsor me. You all really blew me away and your generosity, kind thoughts [and words] and involvement have all helped me to shift my perspective and remind me how great it is to be involved in something. I love yoga. Yoga has helped me become who I am suppose to be, it's my balance, it keeps my body and mind moving, it connects me to myself and the earth around me. It challenges me, it inspires me, and it makes me feel really good. So to be able to do that for an hour and also contribute something to a greater cause today felt exponentially good. AND... can you believe that I was the top fundraiser in our group for Halifax?? hell ya! You all donated $310 and I was the top fundraiser in the group! I was shocked. I 'won' a container of granola and a one hour massage! THANK YOU!

Part of yoga is about being grateful. Honouring yourself and honouring those around you. And for me, honouring something involves being grateful for it. So on my drive home I thought about all that I was grateful for, and reminded myself to continue to express gratitude to the people around me. To spread gratitude and to share positive words and thoughts. Because I have much to be grateful for. We all do. A year ago, many of you helped me raise money to help a family in need at our centre. And through your generosity I was able to buy seven pairs of shoes for seven children, and give their mother gift certificates to buy food for her family. It felt amazing. This year, all of you helped me reach my fundraising goal in 24 hours, and then surpass it by $210. Outstanding. Thank you. YOUR generosity and support gives me faith, gives me strength and motivates me to do more, to take on more, to connect more, to become involved more. More more more. I need more. I don't know what my next goal will be, I have big thoughts, but thank you for helping me realize that this is something that not only can I do, but I think I can do it well, and I think I have much to offer. That's pretty big for me.

Thanks. Danke. Grazi. Merci. Gracias.


Have a great Sunday.


All the love in the universe, Jillian.

Here is my granola. Doesn't it look yummy? Looking forward to it tomorrow morning.

Vrksasana [Tree pose] on the Dartmouth waterfront. Halifax, you look gorgeous. The sun came out late this afternoon so we went for a walk. And then got cappucinos. 

welcome!

Hi friends!


Welcome to my new blog. I've decided to switch from Wordpress to Blogger, so you can find me here now, thanks for reading! I didn't realize that blogger had been bought by Google... so you know what that means. It's awesome! A few things will change, but most will stay the same. Hope you like it!


xo Jill.

did you know?

Deep thoughts for a rainy Friday. Enjoy!

re[fresh]

I made something amazing this week. When in Toronto over Christmas this year, I bought a new cookbook. I love cookbooks. This one is from the restaurants in Toronto, called Refresh. Full of vegan/vegetarian goodness. I've been sick for what seems like forever [strep, chest infection, flu ... why all of them? why?] and have been overloading on my fruits & veggies. Which brings me to my point :

peanut sauce!

homemade peanut sauce. I'm shocked I've gone 32 years without having it regularly in my life. I love it, I love it, I love it. I've been racking my brain to think of any and all foods I can dip in peanut sauce. So I'm going to share the recipe with you because it's so damn good, I'm not sure how the people over at refresh would feel about me posting one of their recipes, but I also highly recommend buying the book because the recipes are really really yummy. Here it is ::

Thai Peanut Sauce

Ingredients

+ fresh garlic, minced

+ fresh piece of ginger root, minced

+ 1.5 cups of natural smooth peanut butter [this is important, ONLY use natural peanut butter, not jiffy or skippy or kraft]

+ 3/4 cup lemon juice

+ 5 tbsp tamari

+ 2 tbsp paprika [I didn't have paprika, so instead I used crushed chili flakes and loved the spiciness]

+ 2 cups vegetable stock

Method

1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whisk until smooth.
2. Heat gently for 10 minutes, stirring often. Serve hot.
[be careful re-heating, it burns really easily. 30 seconds in the microwave was too long]


Easy, right?



The last of my peanut sauce. Consumed tonight with a broccoli, carrot, and asparagus stir-fry and brown rice. Yum. Also, it can last in the fridge for up to a week. Happy eating!

february

EF - Live The Language - Paris from Albin Holmqvist on Vimeo.


EF - Live The Language - London from Albin Holmqvist on Vimeo.

I just adore these videos, particularly Paris. That typography! gah! They are gorgeous. I'd like to see one on Amsterdam, that would be dreamy. Maybe I'll send a suggestion along. Because I think these are great. And now I want to have fish & chips and macaroons for dinner. mmmm....

v-day

I don't particularly like the group Cake. But my husband loves them and has tried, for many years, to convert me. So today, on this most holiest of days, this one is for you my love. Here is some Cake with what looks like Kitchen Nightmares, also one of your favourites. Happy Valentines Day, husband.

yoga challenge

Check out this great little video from the Power of Movement. And did I tell you how much money everyone helped me raise? My goal was $200 and in just a few days I've reached $290! Wowza. Facebook sincerely couldn't make it any easier, thank you Facebook. And thank you family & friends.

blargh.

I stumbled upon yet another blog... I think I read an un-natural number of them, but that's okay, isn't it? Yes, I think it is. Anyway, this womans words resonnated with me today, AND, she lives in Brussels. I can definitely relate and enjoy her stories. But she wrote,  'focusing on my dreams and ditching the dull stuff'. Yes please. The reminder that you are not the only one is oh so liberating. I don't know why, but it helps to propel forward, doesn't it?

So, trying to make sense of it all today. This helps, don't you think?  Spotted on Design Sponge.

Focus on the good [because there is plenty] not the crap [unfortuantely, also lots of that too].

monday.

I feel a tad bit overwhelmed these days. I want to open my own child care centre, but I don't quite know where to start. And there are so many places to start that I feel stuck ... maybe even apathetic. So I need to get myself organized and kick my butt into gear. My biggest obstacle [in my mind anyway]  is space. I feel really discouraged or worried or stressed that I won't find the right space. I've found lots of places that I'd love to be. But I need outside space for a playground. That makes things tricky. Or maybe I'll start looking too early, I'll find it, but I won't be ready to move on it. Destructive thinking? yes. But I really don't know how to start. So I may use my space here to get a bit organized. First things first: I have a name. Big check. I have so many ideas in my head of how I want it to look, feel, operate... so I should write these down. I need a mission statement, I need policies and procedures. I need lots of stuff. I need a plan.

Have you heard of Waldorf schools? I'm a big fan of them. I"m kind of shying away from branding my centre as following one strict philosophy, I don't typically adhere to that. But I do like to draw from different theories, and Waldorf is right up my ally.  Read about it right here. Interesting stuff.

What I can tell you is that my centre is going to be beautiful. It will be filled with natural materials, light, beautiful art and simple furnishings. There will be little to zero plastic. There will [hopefully] be a small vegetable garden, or at the very least herb garden planted in an outside garden that the children will have access to and be a part of. Mindful and healthy eating habits will be incorporated into our philosophy. Children will learn about what they are eating, why they are eating it, and where it came from. There will be beautiful music all the time! We will explore outside, every day. We will go for walks and know our neighbours. Children will have time to explore, imagine and create every day. Every day.

Okay. Well that feels a bit better. Helps to put my mind back in the right space.

And on another note... here are some drawings from the classroom that I used to teach in. The kids are phenomenal. I love that classroom so much. Right now I'm helping to organize a few conferences/workshops that we'll be hosting in the spring [I'm presenting! exciting!]. And we are using some of the children's artwork... here is a sample. These are all 'human bodies'. The title of the project that we'll be presenting is, "It's not a Skeleton. It's a human body". There was much exploration in the preschool room about our bodies, how they work, what they look like. Really great conversations and art work came out of it.



Can  you handles these? Because I can't.

kate spade.

A lovely [beautiful really] little video that is timely in it's anti-Valentine-ness [or actually, maybe it captures the Valentine experience perfectly, what do you think?]. In my mind, the only thing worse than Valentine's day is the Easter Bunny. And I despise the Easter Bunny.

And how about Kate Spade? It's true love, I tell ya.

ode to january.

i so enjoyed all of your days. usually you are my most dreaded month. this year, not so. looking forward to seeing you again next year. here is a song for you. enjoy the last few months of winter, my friends. it will be over before we know it.

the power of movement.

A friend introduced me something called the Power of Movement. It's a yoga challenge to raise money and awareness for arthritis research and other autoimmune diseases. It was started by a woman in Toronto in 2005 and is now an event across Canada. This year I'll be participating in the event in Halifax on February 27 and I'm really really excited about it. I'm excited to do a mass-group yoga class. I'm excited to be part of something that contributes to, and supports movement and awareness. I'm excited to be a part of something bigger than myself. It feels really great. I've given myself one month to raise $200 and I'm blown away by the fact that I think I've raised pretty much that in ONE DAY. My friends and family are awesome. Great job everybody.

I posted this video a few months ago, but in the spirit of things I thought I would re-post because she's awesome and inspirational and great. Namaste.

Do What You Love - Afton from The Panic Room Videos on Vimeo.

president obama, you inspire me.

At about 17 minutes in he starts discussing education, parenting, families and TEACHERS. So worth a listen. I feel optimistic. I feel that words like this, ideas like these, this togetherness, can silence the noise of the Glen Beck's, the Sarah Palin's, and the cacophony of utter craziness that seems to characterize the States lately. I think the States are better than that, I really do. I'm optimistic for the future. Way to start things off on the right foot tonight, Mr. President.

tuesday love.

super cute.



Also.... if only I had seen this before our wedding! Dammit.  I LOVE them and think they would be ridiculous fun at a wedding. Don't you think?

found here: http://www.icebreakertags.com/

Check out more fun ones here. Makes me want to throw a party.

And an update: Our little guy is still in the hospital. Still sending love and happy thoughts his way. xo.

grateful.

Today. I'm stopping and taking it all in.

I tend to over-think things, I analyze. I re-assess, I re-think. I often need to actively remind myself to let things go, to sometimes just be... to let things happen. To not obsess. It's tricky.

But it's only Tuesday and it's been such a heavy week.  There has been much talk about death around day care this week. A few different things are happening, or have happened to make us all stop and take stock of our families and the families that we support and care for. Because in caring for children, we are caring for families. You realize how much families go through. You stop and think about support, what that means, what that looks like and how to do it. Is there a right way? I don't know. We have a child in intensive care at the IWK. A child that has been sick with brain tumors since birth and has gone through a host of surgeries and treatments. One treatment which has left him with a diseased lung, a lung that collapsed last night and has brought him back to the hospital once again. His story is heartbreaking but his family is so remarkable. His mother is a pillar of strength, as most mothers are. She is caring for a dying child and continuing to mother to the best of her capabilities two other children. It's so much.

So friends.. hug everyone you love today. Tell them so. Smile at a stranger. Let things go. Be grateful. Love eachother. What else is there? Put love out there into the world. If you see me, give me a hug too, okay?

let freedom ring

 

"Life's most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?" Martin Luther King Jr.

Today is Martin Luther King Day in the States. I was confused when I heard [and read] people wishing eachother a happy long weekend on Friday. I didn't make the connection. But this morning I started to think... is this just another long weekend? Has making a day to observe and remember a man just turned into a perk of having a long weekend in January? I hope not.  I hope it's not already turning into something completely devoid of meaning and leaning more closely to just another day of consumerism. God I hope not. We've only been 'celebrating' this day for 25 years, you'd think it would still be somewhat fresh and relevant, the fact that this day is intended to be a day of sevice, a day to volunteer, a day to connect, a day to give back.  Maybe the problem is that I don't watch American news.  But I hope tonight a segment of all Amercian news broadcasts highlight what communities and people were actually doing today. Because this idea, this movement, this whatever it can be called, it can really be something more than just a day off.  It can be a day that kids understand, a connection that kids get from early age, the importance of community and of connection. I hope anyway.

I have a project. It's January, so a good time to begin things. A year in pictures. I'm trying to remind myself to take more pictures of Halifax, and just life in general. I always had my camera with my in Belgium, and I loved it, but here...I haven't been great. So I have to make a concerted effort. But a year from now I'd like to be able to look at pictures taken and post one from each month. Images of 2011. Fun, and also a way for me to stay on track with my goals [goals! yeesh] and to reflect on the year. So let's see....

And one more thing. I had a really, truly great day at work today. The first day where I feel really positive about what I'm doing, and why I'm doing it. I effectively problem solved, I listened empathetically, offered advice and in return, was truly listened to and confided in.The complete opposite of what I felt was going to happen. I had a meeting. A meeting I was dreading. A meeting that I [emphasis inserted] had to facilitate. ME! All by myself. And I was sure I was going to be a} yelled at b} ripped a new one, or c} possibly cry. But none of that happened. The scary person I was meeting with wasn't scary at all. She was quite lovely actually. And I think we've got some mutual respect going. So yay us. It felt pretty damn fantastic. For the first time I feel that I may have something to contribute and that I may actually be alright at this job. Phwef. It's been rough going for a while.