list four :: year-ending....

This is a different kind of list.  A list about the things that really snuck up on me, that I didn't see coming. Thirty-two was a big year for me. With all of my planning and pretending to know, sometimes [most of the time] it's the things that you don't see coming that are the best.  The ones that slip in the back door when you're not paying attention and wait patiently to be noticed. Or hit you right in the face. This was a big year for me. I struggled with who I am, what that means. I fought stubbornly for my independence. I legally committed myself to another human being, letting the world know that we are a family. For so many reasons in my head, it was a big year.  And I really didn't expect it to be.

1. There was a wedding.  And I was the bride.

2. Left a job I love.

3. Took a grown-up job. Playdough, nature walks, boogers, and circle time are no longer part of my everyday [only some of my days..]

3. Watched a dear friend go through pregnancy....

4. Learned very quickly that marriage is not exactly what I thought it was. Not necessarily a bad thing . Just different.

5.Went swimming in a lake at midnight. when it was 30 degrees outside. and felt completely happy.

6. re- learned hard lessons.

7. saw my parents build their retirement home.

8. remembered that it's so much better to stay positive and send love into the world.  was saddened that I seemed to have forgotten that for a period of time and fell in to the muck and got stuck for a little bit.  was reminded that I need reminders. and to be patient. and understanding.

9. had a meaningful conservation with a man in the city that I've always felt a connection to but have never actually spoken to, only to occasionally give him money when he asks. We spoke over coffees on a cold day on Spring Garden Rd. It was really wonderful.

10. was reminded that friends are great. was reminded that there a few people who really get me.

11. re-connected with an old friend who I thought was gone for good.... she had been looking for me too.

12. learned to accept nova scotia drivers. terrifying. and it took me 9 years.

13. remembered about self-reflecting.  was humbled into remembering that sometimes I'm not as awesome or all-knowing as I think I am. not even close.

14. added another woman to my list of the strongest and most inspiring women I've ever met.  I love that the list keeps growing and it happens when I least expect it.

15. traveled to Toronto for Christmas and stayed at the Royal York. had an amazing time.

16. spent an afternoon laying on the beach with my mom and my aunt.  listened to them talk and felt like I was a kid again on summer vacation in Shediac.  and it felt good.

17. saw my grandfather for the last time. had our family gather together to remember him. all of us.

18. had completely honest and open conversations about motherhood with really interesting and insightful women.

19. watched a lot of things completely fall apart for people I love. watched them build it up again, one step at a time. felt inspired.

20. met people in my field who share my feelings about early childhood education. felt inspired and excited. want to be around these people as much as possible and soak up everything they know.

21. saw Gord Downie play live. couldn't wait to leave. felt disappointed.

22. eat, pray, love with leanne.

23.  stopped giving a shit about a lot of stuff.

24. old friends. new friends.

25. bought a couch and a coffee table.

26. danced a lot.

27. have long hair again.

28. have people refer to me as their 'boss'. yikes. that's weird.

29. left europe. miss europe.

30. learned how to bake a pie.

31. moved 3 times.

32. learned to accept and embrace change. It's okay.

33.  didn't change my name. and never will.

Merry Christmas everybody. See you in 2011. Wishing you all peace, love and happiness.  So much of it. For everyone.